Well I spent today doing my Breaking Free study. I don’t know why I found it so hard, but I did. We’re working on “Binding Up the Brokenhearted”. Her definition of Binding Up is:
“The original word for bind up is chavash meaning…to bind on, wrap around; bind up as a wound, bandage, cover, envelope, enclose.” Strong’s Dictionary adds a very visual definition to the same word: to compress.., to stop.”
The first exercise she gives you, she lists several verses, which are:
Genesis 16:1-13
Genesis 39:11-23
Ruth 1:3-18
2 Samuel 12:15-25
Now, you’re supposed to look up the circumstances that caused the broken hearts and then list how God bound up their hearts. Well I had a really hard time finding any kind of healing or “compression” at first. After getting really frustrated for a while, I was able to find where the heart could stop hurting in the first two. After I read on in Ruth, I was able to see how her heart might have stopped hurting many years later. Now as far as David goes (in 2 Samuel), that really stumped me. I know that he later went on to have another son, Soloman/Jedidah, but is that really “binding up” his broken heart? I know, from my standpoint as a mother, having another child would not “bind up” my heart. It may add some joy to my life, but my heart would still be broken after the loss of a child. Just typing the words make my heart skip a beat.
What really bothered me more than anything is what she said afterwards. She said:
“..one of His greatest priorities is binding up the brokenhearted. Now that we’ve had a chance to see the consistency of God’s loving and tender heart toward the emotionally injured or devastated….”
In all but 1 of these verses, I don’t see that! Am I missing something? Am I being too judgmental? I see some tender heart from Him, but nothing that makes me think “wow, He’s so compassionate”. Setting Joseph free, giving Naomi a husband that would love her (instead of Ruth) and she could love, sparing David’s son’s life (this bothers me more than anything. What did his son do to deserve this? It was David who sinned, not his son)….that is something I would see as a loving and tender heart. God, please forgive me for this, but I don’t see it. Lord, please help me see what I’m supposed to see!
I think what bothers me most is I’m being told what I should feel (or at least it’s implied) and I don’t feel it. It makes me doubt myself as a Christian. If I’m not seeing what she says I’m supposed to see, then have I made Him into something He’s not? So it’s been a very frustrating day, for sure. Very depressing. I KNOW He is out there. I had the Holy Spirit come to me and if you’ve ever experienced that, you can NOT deny His existence. Is my faith being tested or am I (more likely) just making a huge mountain out of a molehill? UGH!
I moved on to the 2nd day which deals with “Hearts Broken in Childhood”. You can figure out, on your own, what that covers specifically. It did offer some healing for me….knowing that God never intended anything bad to happen.
Tomorrow is our BF study night. I am really looking forward to that, hoping that I can feel better about things.
“We must realize that it is NOT Satan who defeats us; it is OUR openness to him!”… Francis Frangipane, The Three Battlegrounds
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